Friday, Jun. 20, 2008

The Confessions of a Mad Housewife

Michelle Valdez

Fidelity is important in a marriage, and I am a purist. It’s wrong to cheat on your husband. It’s wrong to have online conversations with men. And, it’s best to talk openly with your spouse about who you think is attractive or who he thinks is attractive, even if it includes some of your friends.

I push openness in my marriage because I want a healthy relationship.

I hope it will keep us together until we are old, until there is no more surgery to stretch my skin and until we attend every wedding of our children and every birth of our grandchildren.

Last week my idea of fidelity changed.

I have a friend who is determined, clever — in a Hillary Clinton kind of way — and crafty — and I don’t mean with a glue gun.

She told me a story that was too much to imagine.

Recently, quite by accident, she learned that her husband had bought their son an expensive shotgun, but failed to tell her.

Initially, she claimed she was hurt by his "financial infidelity."

I had never heard of such disloyalty.

Of course, I was quick to offer a glass of wine and a block of brie to ease the pain.

Her husband is a nice, handsome and true guy, but was shamed by his desire to arm his son and disarm his wife of the truth.

So, like any clever woman, my friend held him hostage. New patio furniture was the ransom and her hubby was only too happy to pay up.

I began to wonder. Am I fiscally unfaithful?

Then, I remembered my latest pecuniary indiscretion. For my husband’s birthday I headed to Dallas in search of a fly rod at the Orvis store. I was a fish out of water, so to speak. As I approached the distinct Orvis green shop, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a "one day sale" sign hanging in a boutique called Tootsies.

Why would a developer put a fly fishing store next to a woman’s clothing/shoe salon? I might as well have been a new parolee and it a strip joint on Northwest Highway. I couldn’t get there quick enough.

The Tootsies sale was like a ride at Disney World: fast and pricey.

Before I knew it, I walked out with five pairs of shoes and an evening gown. I had nowhere to wear the floor length frock, but who cares; it was sexy, and deep purple.

I loaded my car and felt a pang of guilt.

Financial infidelity was burdening my soul. How could I explain to my husband that his fishing rod turned into four-inch stilettos? Did I need to tell him? Couldn’t I just buy the fishing rod and use the vacation account to pay for the deep purple number?

Two days later I went to a different fly fishing shop. There was no clothing boutique or shoe salon nearby to distract me. I purchased the fly rod, but knew I had some explaining to do.

As I reflected on my own monetary betrayal, I was confident I had taken the right path: truth.

I confessed the night of my husband’s birthday party. I presented him with the rod and the bill for the shoes and dress.

That evening, I stumbled out of the depths of financial infidelity in new strappy sandals. And, the combination of the Sex and the City heels, passionate purple gown cut to the navel and 5-weight fly rod, made it one memorable birthday.